There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
