Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
