well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
