if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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