Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was like having sex with a tree stump
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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