I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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