If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
