Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He passed out mid-signature
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
