I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
