He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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