Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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