why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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