My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
