i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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