Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
