Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
