I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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