i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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