I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
