You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
