I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
