Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
