It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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