I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
