No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
