I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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