So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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