I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
