Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
