I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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