You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Still dying that you shit outside
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
