What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
