If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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