It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
