vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
