I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
