I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
