Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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