Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
