My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
