After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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