I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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