the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
