so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
