he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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