I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
