From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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