How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
