my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
