I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
