apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
