I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
