imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
